Neighbors

Author’s note Welcome to day 3 of [30 days, 30 drafts](30.html). I don’t know what this one is about. Xenophobia? Fear of change? NIMBYism? You decide.

For as long as anyone could remember, 4’s next-door neighbors on either side were 3 and 5.

Then one day, a new house stood between her house and 5’s.

4 marched up to the door and banged none-too-gently. “Who the hell are you?” she demanded.

The new neighbor smiled. They held a hand out as if to shake; 4 just stared blankly. “Nice to meet you! I’m 412.”


“Four-and-a-half? Who ever heard of four-and-a-half?” 4 muttered as she sipped tea with 3 later that day.

“You think that’s bad? Have you looked the other way?” 3 asked. “When I was coming over here I walked past another new house. The guy inside said his name’s 312.”

“What the fuck? Can they even do that? Just plop a house down and go ‘oh hey there I’m you-and-a-half’?”

“It doesn’t seem right,” 3 agreed.


The day after that, 4 found another new house halfway between hers and 412’s.

“And who are you?” she demanded sardonically. “4-and-one-fourth?”

“Um. Yes,” the new neighbor replied. “414. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s not nice to meet you! You can’t just come waltzing in here—”

“4,” came 3’s voice, a bit shaken. “4, come here.”

4 huffed and walked away from 414’s front door. “What is it? Let me guess. 314?”

“That, and another one too. Says his name is 334. And that’s not all. About halfway between my place and 314’s is some douchebag named π.”

“What the hell is happening to our neighborhood?” 4 felt faint.


4 needed some fresh air. She packed a picnic basket and left, walking north a ways. There was nothing there, at least. Who could possibly move in up there, off the number line entirely?

But then she saw it. In the distance, a house. Outside, a woman was mowing the lawn.

“Howdy, neighbor!” the stranger called as soon as she noticed 4. “You must be 4+0i!”

“I— excuse me?” 4 sputtered. “Who are you?”

“Me? I’m 4+i. Been meaning to head down and say hello for a while now.” 4+i tilted her head in confusion. “Hey, wait, where are you going?”

4 turned around and walked away. If I never leave my house again, I won’t have to deal with this. Surely that was reasonable.