Photo by Rowan Heuvel
Photo by Rowan Heuvel
When Geoff Farnsley, 33, found himself stranded on a desert island after a harrowing shipwreck, he found himself faced with an impossible decision: Should he cleave to his vegan ideals, or sustain himself on the corpses of the friends who had spent the past five years pestering him about what he would do if he found himself stranded on a desert island?
In the end, he says, the choice was a simple one. “I wasn’t about to make a martyr of myself. I mean, sure, there were plenty of fruits and nuts I could have harvested, but where would I have gotten my B12?”
The families of those whose flesh he consumed to survive have spoken out against Farnsley’s personal dietary choices, but he insists that he did nothing wrong. “It’s what the guys would have wanted,” says Farnsley. “Every time we went out to eat together I had to ask them to at least pick a place that had fries or salads or something, and they acted like it was a huge inconvenience. They always said I wasn’t a real man if I didn’t eat meat. I like to think they’d be happy about this outcome.”
Farnsley rejected the notion of returning to veganism. “Everyone always said I didn’t know what I was missing. Boy, were they right! I mean, I ate meat all the time before I went vegan, but it turns out I actually had no idea how deprived I was this whole time!”
Readers should rest assured that out of respect for those who unwittingly sacrificed themselves that he might live, Farnsley made use of every part of their bodies. He now sports a jacket made from the skin of Harry Simmons, 33, which he claims he “always wears” when playing the xylophone he fashioned from the ribs of Jake Ryan, 34.